Sorry I've been quiet for so so long.

Things are a lot calmer for me now, so watch this space while I catch up with the rest of my life and get some letters on here for you to read!

M x

****Part 2****

I’ve had 3 answers so far to the schools (4) that I applied for last Friday. One, the best from a monetary point of view is near Gainsborough, the worst feature is that the vicar wants a mistress to be general factotum , another at Exeter, another on the North York’ Moors. A school of some description I must get  - though you know where I’d rather be – the further away from Brentford the better it will be, for what you always said, & what I never really believed till now, I have proved to be true.

Indeed, the animus toward you, on my father’s part & sister’s also, extend even towards the child & myself – because he is your child & because I will not take certain steps that they (ie my father & sister) wish.

Since they know that I really am homeless & penniless, they are altered & my sister  especially has been very obnoxious. She has tried on every possible side to make mischief & has lectured the boy as much as she dare. One day last week she threatened to thrash him & box his ears. Isuppose she is afraid we might come in for some of the property if we were too well liked. You may be sure I let her touch him, oh! yes. Twice. I gave her such a doing, that she’s been quiet since.

But as I told my mother (who is the only one who remains the same to me) when once I go from Highclere, I shall never put my foot inside again while my father & sister are there.

Ah! What you said was true – my father hates you dreadfully, & if he could harm you in any way I know he would – he promised me the best solicitor in town if I would only do as he wished – but as he rightly said “You know Georgie, I am powerless to act unless you do” Then when I utterly & decidedly refused to so anything of the sort & said I only wished you’d let me come home, why of course the fat’s been in the fire ever since & by now its beginning to smell nasty.

If it turns out to be Gainsborough, we shant be so very far from Lincoln, shall we? & if ive got to live away from you, I’d rather be in Lincolnshire than anywhere; but oh my dear darling old man, don’t you really think you could begin to think about forgiving me, though I know it is a good deal to ask.

Now I’ve got to answer those blessed old letter, so I must stop, though I really feel as if I could say a lot more. What would I not give if I could only see you-----

Believe me to be.

Always your loving wife

Georgie Hockley

fac·to·tum (f k-t t m) 

An employee or assistant who serves in a wide range of capacities.

an·i·mus ( n -m s)

1. An attitude that informs one's actions; disposition.

2. A feeling of animosity; ill will. See Synonyms at enmity.

3. In Jungian psychology, the masculine inner personality as present in women.





****Hello All. What can I say - life caught up with me these last few weeks. Here's a little bit to get you going****

(Part1)

Brentford

Sep: 6^th 1898

My dearest husband,

I wonder where you are & what you’re doing? I had such a vivid dream about you last night. I thought you were going away for a year & that you were saying goodbye to me – you weren’t angry, but just the dear old man you can be if you will. I saw you so plainly, & heard you talking & saw your old face & just as I woke up, I remember hearing you laugh & say ‘You Naughty Jane’. It was so real that I was quite a long time before I could believe it only a dream.

My dearest, if you only know how I long to come home. You know how I used to hate the old scrubbing; well I’d come & scrub cheerfully now – though I suppose that nice new pail & scrubbing brush which I bought for a treat is a slight behold now. What with old stewell & that other old man & the old woman careering round oh! dear oh!  …………………………

Sorry everyone - been another manic week for me :( Do please keep checking this page and I'll be back with you very soon x

***Part 3***

Seven years ago tonight you took me for a drive – the old nurse too - & we called at the ‘Cat’ don’t you remember - & then on the Thursday the boy was born, & do you remember how you beat up that old egg, & how – oh! You were very good, why are you not like it now? Then on the Sunday you blew me up & made me cry, like an old horror that you are.

My dear old man, my feelings towards you are not changed one bit, however much yours may be towards me – whatever you said or did to me, I shall always love you – things might come to such a pitch that I could not stand it for a little time – but I do not change .

The boy sent his love, I was in two minds to bring him, but I wasn’t sure of your being in, in fact, I half thought you might have gone to Boston. Mind you if he had come, & seen & heard that dreadful monstrosity, I’m sure he would have given her “beans”. My dear I cannot accuse you of having chosen her for her beauty – hithero I have always admired your taste. That’s only fun, you know, neither malice nor insolence – Please write to me, am in hurry to catch poste – much love.

Always Yours

Georgie

Don’t think hard things – try to remember anything good of me I always think of the good parts of you.

***Part 2***

…………..I waited till the 7.17 & didn’t get back here until 10 oclock, & as I don’t feel particularly strong I am knocked up this morning rather – the affair altogether did me up – it made my heart beat so dreadfully & I felt faint & sock with the excitement, & how I managed to get here at all is a marvel to me.

My dear husband I must see you – why not? You are surely not going to shirk your responsibility, are you, with regard to myself & the boy?

I had a good school & gave it up as I thought, at your desire – now I am absolutely penniless, with at the present time, nothing whatever in view. Another thing, I suffer so much from terrible headache & that deadly faintness, that I could not take a school where the salary wold be much – I must take a very small one, & that means small money.

Apart from this side of the question why cannot we have done some quarrelling for my part, I am ready to acknowledge to you, (not your caretakers mind) all & anything that I did wrong. You know as well as I do, that my conscience is a very tender one, & that it will when I have done wrong smite me sooner or later………

Part1...... Mr H really is awful!

Highclere

Brentford

Aug 3rd 1898

My dearest Husband,

I cannot understand at all the behaviour of your caretakers to me yesterday when I came home. that they were not speaking the truth I soon discovered for one contradicted the other. You know the state of mind & body I was in when I came to Brentford, so that I can see no reason at all why you should have given these people orders that Mrs Hockley was on no account to be admitted. Neither can I in any way fathom what that 'wonderful & awful apparition' who opened the door meant when she hinted mysteriously that people soon get to know secrets. Secrets! What secrets! - I've no secrets. as I told her. Of course I recognised that pair - the French maid next door used to be very friendly with the old man last year when they took care of Francis' place. Whether the old man got mixed up or not I cant say but this is what he said to me when I went again - 'Mr H said he didnt think it could be Mrs H who called because she said in her let that she should never trouble him (Mr H) again.' and he also said that he understood you to say you answered that letter which of course you never have. why my dear old soul, I never said anything of the kind, I said I could not understand a loveless miserable life such as I had been leading, again, & I said if you desired that we should live separately I would agree to that properly & legally drawn up..................